So, I have this HUGE problem with GUILT. It is my go to emotion/state-of-being. AND I AM SICK OF IT! Like this little creature in my stomach burrowing up into my chest then eating a pathway all the way back down, down, down, chewing, tearing, ripping through my insides and down into my intestines. And the worst part? It’s not the kind of upset tummy you can just spew or poop out and feel better- it’s a constant gnawing, flipping, fretting, worrying, guilt-tripping myself!
I make a million little goals for myself and then I feel guilty constantly because I can’t possibly achieve all of them in a week or in a month or whenever it is I have set my most recent deadline for… I’m always putting myself down because I never get enough done- last week I went to the gym 4 times instead of 6 which was my goal, and so I felt shitty about it! But realistically, a couple months ago it would have been a miracle if I even got my ass up off the couch and my face out of a tub of Ben and Jerry’s half baked.
I promised myself I would make fiddling videos every friday but have yet to make another video in over a month… more GUILT…. even though I should pat myself on the back because I have actually been practicing again, and have learned a few new songs, but obviously not enough… more GUILT.
I want so badly to quit my job but, no surprise, I feel SUPER guilty because I don’t want to screw anyone over even though I dread going to work each morning and the management is crap and I get treated like crap and it is not worth my time or the money. But if they call me up and ask me to work extra days, extra hours, I don’t say no because if I did I would feel too guilty!
Do you have this problem?!?!?! How do you deal with it? Please share.
BECAUSE I AM SO OVER ALL THIS GUILT!!!!
One thing I am trying, is to take the brilliant advice in this video. Check it out.
Of course, not all of my guilt is caused from me effing up, sometimes I don’t even know the route cause of all of the mind-numbing, stomach-flipping guilt- but more often then not it is because I feel like I have messed up, and let myself (or someone else) down in some way.
So, here’s to effing up as process, and flushing all of that guilt down the toilet….
It’s a new week,
It’s a new day,
If I mess up, it’s okay, at least I tried…
Or maybe I didn’t try,
But that doesn’t mean I can’t try now,
And I will try
and try again
to feel pride
to see success in every failure,
to be/feel NOT GUILTY, for a change.
Heidi J. Loos