Resisting the Urge to Merge


So I got back together with my girlfriend this weekend 🙂

I asked her out, on a cake from Dairy Queen!


I know right? BARF!!!! (in the best way)

I’ve always wanted to do something totally cheesy and romantic and ridiculous. And when you are the one that breaks up with someone and then want them back after a month and a half of telling them you can’t get back together because of blah de blah de blah… well, drastic times call for drastic measures.

And she said yes!!!


Happy Happy Times.

So if you follow my blog, or know me at all, you know that I’ve been saying over and over again that I need to be alone because I need to focus on myself, and on being more independent, and really working on my writing and my writing career. But the thing is, I am still going to do all of these things!

I am going to resist the urge to merge. And it is NOT going to be easy.

I like to overcompensate and over compromise when I am in a relationship. I start being more concerned on making the other person happy than making myself happy. I think a lot of us probably have this problem because we don’t want to be selfish, we are lovers, and we are givers, but we have to learn to love and cherish and give to ourselves first.

You are the most important person in your life, not your boyfriend, not your girlfriend, or any of your partners.

Sometimes in order to make changes to a relationship you have to walk away from it and come back with a fresh perspective especially on the ways in which you participate in creating and maintaining unhealthy patterns. I feel like I have gained insight on how to work and improve the relationship my partner and I had.

But, if you break up with someone and then get back together you have to want something different than you did before because your relationship cannot be the same as it was. That relationship no longer exists, it is in the past, but a new relationship can be built on the blocks of the past, the knowledge and wisdom that was created then can be used now.

Change is constant and present in every decision we make, every conversation we have!

I am not back together with her because I want what I had. I want something completely different, but with the same person that I have loved for the last three years.

Last night my partner went out to a lesbian event and I stayed home to write. We live in separate houses now. Strangely, this all made me very happy because before I would have been up all night worrying and stressing until she got home to me safely. And then I probably would have had a freak out because of how late it was or how drunk she was or whatever, and probably would have been jealous about something totally ridiculous because that is what I have always done… But now that we are more independent of each other, I want her to have fun without me, I want me to have fun without her, and to continue to have fun together as well. But this is a huge step for me, and tasting the first little bit of this progress is truly delectable!

Thanks for reading!

Happy relationships and love to you all!


Heidi J. Loos


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