Get yourself some maple syrup and cayenne pepper and try the MASTER CLEANSE!
At least, that’s what I just did, or am doing… I’m on Day 5, but I am quitting early because a) I’m HUNGRY! and b) this shit is EXPENSIVE, like seriously lemons and maple syrup, together = way more expensive than eating real food. and c) this shit BURNS coming out of the other end. I’m not going to sugar coat it for ya. Laxative tea + lemons + cayenne pepper, you do the math. and d) I’m going to Vegas tomorrow, and besides the obvious fact that I’ll be flying on a plane!@#$% Vegas doesn’t seem like the place to deprive yourself of solid food. Of course, I’m sure the majority of what I will be consuming will be liquid, but it will NOT be lemonade if ya catch my drift!
But first things first, the cleanse: I’ve always wanted to try it. I remember when I was kid I heard of people doing it, my parents friends, who they thought were nuts for doing it. My sister, her friends. Friends of friends. Strangers. Weirdos on the internet.
And now, that’s probably what you think of me 🙂 But this thing has been around since the 40’s it’s kind of famous, or infamous, or both?
So I’ll tell you about my experience with the cleanse, at least the first half of it, because I’m quitting after day 5 and you’re supposed to do the full 10 days + easing in and easing out so really, if you do it properly at least a month all in. But these five days have been really exciting, explosive even. Surprisingly I feel like the positives definitely outweigh the negatives.
I feel a sense of accomplishment and pride that made it to day five. Especially working in the restaurant industry and being around delicious smelling food, serving steaming plates of rice, potato, souvlaki, moussaka, kalamari, pizza, lasagne, fettucini, spaghetti, ravioli, tortelini alfredo (AKA my favourite food of all time) and all the while watching patrons mow down, and hurting a little inside, as I continue to gulp down my spicy lemonade and make frequent trips to the washroom.
The first two days I realized just how much I think about food. I’m always planning my next meal, I’m always thinking about what I am going to eat, tonight, tomorrow, dinner, breakfast, lunch, brunch, snacks. I don’t just eat to live or to survive, I live to eat. I’m a fucking food fanatic, which is cool, I just didn’t realize it fully.
So first I felt looming disappointment without the pleasurable activity of eating, and not just eating, but planning what to eat, thinking about all the options and choosing the best one, ticking it off my mental list, grocery shopping, going out to dinner, cooking, being cooked for.
I didn’t even cheat once. I mean it helped that I pretty much forced my girlfriend to do it with me, so we could suffer together, but still… so proud right now. of both of us ❤
After the end of the second day, my mindset seemed to shift. I kept feeling waves of euphoria. My stomach ached a little, but everything else felt beautiful. My skin seemed softer. The air warmer. Just holding hands induced butterflies.
Yep, fasting can get you high, I’m not sure how or why, but my brain definitely released a bunch of serotonin and dopamine. But then my stomach would rumble like a freaking earthquake and I’d be right back to reality: HANGRY HEIDI.
I think for me, this cleanse did A LOT. Physically, I could feel the toxins being released from my body, through my nose, through my pores etc. etc. I feel lighter, literally because I haven’t eaten anything in five days, but I’m not just talking about actual weight loss here, I feel like a giant weight has been lifted from my spirit.
I feel energized, excited. I feel powerful. I feel capable of taking control of my life. And I feel appreciative. I can’t wait to sink my teeth into vegetables. Like seriously, plain vegetables, YUM. I feel appreciative of greens. I want spinach!
I also feel more appreciative of my life. Of my relationships, my work, my home, my community. Maybe I sound crazy, but I really think that depriving yourself of one thing you love so much can show you all the other things that fucking rock in your life too.
Sometimes its really difficult for me to say no (to a lot of things, but food in particular), but I feel that after achieving five days of total restraint, it’ll be a lot easier just to say no to one more piece of bread or dessert (I’ll tell you later if this rings true).
I think if I weren’t going to Vegas tomorrow, I might try to finish the full ten days. But maybe in a year from now, or two, or five, I’ll try the whole thing again and do it right. You never know what you might gain (or lose!) 😀
But at least for now, I tried it, and I can cross that one off my bucket list.