Tag Archives: heidi j loos

Life Changes

It’s been forever since I’ve posted anything, so I thought I’d update you all on my incredibly life-changing summer.

My last post was a casting call for my short film- so let’s start there. At the end of May I went into production for my third narrative film (but my very first funded one), and it was an incredible and intense four day shoot. It was amazing to have an actual DOP and crew for this shoot as my previous films were just DIY productions. So it was a huge relief to be able to focus on directing and not have to worry about operating the camera and monitoring light and sound as well. My actors were all Yukoners who had never acted in film before, but they did AMAZING, they really went above and beyond for me and for the project. I know they pushed themselves past their comfort zones in order to get some of the scenes and shots that I really wanted. And they really made me so proud! At the end of those 4 days my heart was so so full of love and gratitude, I was just beaming.

It was super intense because I came down with a really bad cold on day 2, and after we wrapped I literally had 48 hours to pack up my entire life for our move across the country. I also needed to get in an application to the Yukon Filmmakers Fund before I left to try to secure some funding for post-production for the film. Needless to say those were a couple of sleepless nights, but I got it all done and my fiance, Lyndsie and I were able to embark on our epic cross-canada roadtrip on June 1st.

It was wonderful to spend a week in Vancouver and visit with some of our dear friends and hang out by the ocean before heading to Pemberton for our big gay camping wedding.

Our wedding was without a doubt, my dream wedding, it was casual, colourful, and it was camping! Plus I got to spend a weekend with my favourite people and celebrate our partnership and our commitment to building a beautiful life together!

Here are a few of my favourite pics from our special day! (Taken by Lara Gray from LMG Photography of Vancouver)

HLWed2.jpgHLWed5HLWED1We thought our roadtrip across the country would be a lot more leisurely than it was, but we were petal to the metal through the prairies due to a three day storm that we were not keen to tent in- so we drove from Vancouver straight through to Toronto and made it there for Toronto for Pride which was super fun. Then we drove down to Niagra Falls for a cute date and some gambling at the Casino. We were able to spend Canada Day long weekend with our friend at her cottage a few ours outside the Toronto. Other highlights of our trip include chasing squirrels with Darla in literally every park we stopped at, and eating yummy yummy food in Montreal and wandering the streets of Saint John, NB at sunset.

We made it to Halifax on July 5th and slept in hammocks on the harbour our first night in the city.

We almost moved into what we thought was a beautiful apartment with a view of the Harbour but we realized in the nick of time- that it was a sketchy bedbug infested building! So for all of July we camped at different campgrounds (or slept in the car if it was raining) and house-hunted.

I got a notification email from the Yukon Government on July 7 that I would be a recipient for the Yukon Filmmakers Fund! So I have been able to hire a Yukon Editor, Sound Designer and Colorist to help me complete my short film, Hands Don’t Lie! Which is due in December. ūüôā

Lyndsie started a job at a local Irish Pub before we even had a roof over our heads! But we finally found a perfect 2-bedroom apartment in Clayton Park which is just a 15min drive out of Halifax and fortunately were able to move in at the end of July.

I joined roller derby here in Halifax and am back on skates after not skating FOREVER (since before my surgery last December) which has been super exciting but also super challenging and frustrating because my legs don’t feel/work the way they used to but I’m finally starting to feel more solid on my skates again!

Next life changing event: I landed a job that couldn’t be more perfect for me- video production coordinator at ORB, an award-winning toy company based out of Halifax! And it just felt amazing like this year is really my year! I literally get to do all of the things I love at work, write scripts, plan shoots, make videos, do other creative writing and marketing campaigns etc. So just when I thought my life couldn’t be more perfect-

My dog Darla got very very sick. In a matter of days her kidneys and liver were failing and the vets didn’t know why. She’s only 2.5 years old and I started asking myself why the heck we moved here and blaming myself for uprooting her from her home and causing this. I’ve never cried as much in a week as I did two weeks ago. The vets said she wasn’t going to make it. We almost put her down, but I just couldn’t do it- I needed a 2nd opinion and then a third, the vets said it would take a miracle for her to start getting better. So I just waited and prayed and cried and prayed and cried for what felt like forever. I didn’t even want to stay here if Darla didn’t make it. We spent 5K trying to save her life, but the Clayton Park vet was so kind and even gave us $1000 off her treatment. When she started improving I felt like I could start to breath again.

Lynds quit her job in order to be a stay at home dog mom and give Darla medication around the clock for the last three weeks. Now Darla has two more days of pills left then we will get her blood tested again and see where she’s at. She’s definitely got her spunk back, but she has lost A LOT of weight and I’m still really worried about her,… but I am SO HAPPY she is alive.

Yesterday I found out my first film, Witch Therapy, was selected for the Reel Pride Film Festival in Winnipeg in October. ūüôā

So all in all I feel like this summer has been an amazing emotional journey with lots and lots of change and milestones. Some days I feel like everything is moving at lightning speed and I haven’t had any time to stop and catch my breath- but I’m just grateful I get to share these ups and downs with my lovely partner and furchild because they are the ones that make everything else I do worthwhile.

‚̧ HJL



I’m looking for actors for my next short film:¬†Hands Don’t Lie.


It’s a love story about two women in a senior’s home, and one of them is a palm reader ūüôā

So if you like to act (or have always wanted to try) and are in the Yukon, or willing to travel to the Yukon at the end of May- one of these could be your role!


June 70+ Proper, bitter, controlling woman, who finally let’s go of this hard exterior & is able to embrace her true self
Gretta 70+ Sweet, wild & unabashedly queer, a palm-reader who has done and seen it all- she can read the future & the past!
Peter 45-55 – June’s son, a kind but conservative caring middle aged man
Rebecca 25-35 Calm, professional & honest Nurse/Care Attendant

EXTRAS – Senior men and women needed for a few 1-line roles and some non-speaking background parts


TO AUDITION or to find out more about the characters & story email me: heidijloos@gmail.com or call (867) 333-3719

Please pass along this acting opportunity to all of the senior women you know!!!


‚̧ HJL

With Love & Snow

Here is a link to the most recent video¬†I made for CBC’s Exhibitionists:


It is a touching story about local snow carver Donald Watt and his long-time carving partner Michael Lane who recently passed away. The photo above is the memorial sculpture the Yukon team made for Mike at the Whitehorse International Snow Sculpture Challenge in February 2017.

I found myself tearing up while editing this. They made so many incredible snow sculptures over the years. Mike will be dearly missed.



48 Hr Craziness

So I’m finally getting around to writing about this… but y’all should really know, because it was quite epic.

About a month ago I decided to take part in the Yukon Film Society’s annual film challenge.

We had 48 hours to make a 5 minute film.


You may think that’s a lot of time, but if you think that, you probably don’t have very much experience with filmmaking.

See, how the challenge works, is you are given a theme, or prop, or phrase that you have to incorporate into your film. Then you have to write the script, cast the actors, make a storyboard or at least plan a shot list, shoot the footage, watch (most) of the footage, pick out the best clips, edit it all together, find music, add all sound and music, write credits, add credits, and hope if you’re really efficient you may be able to catch some zzz’s along the way.

I think I slept a total of 5 hours that whole weekend. But, it was a hell of a lot of fun. And everything just kept getting funnier. At the end of the 48 hours I was honestly a little concerned that our short comedy would not actually be funny to those who were functioning off a normal amount of food and sleep.

We had six team members aka creative geniuses on our team, so as you can imagine it took a little while to decide on one story idea with all the epic options flying around. Upon finding out the 2015 theme: “Outdoors” to be incorporated through a shot of the outdoors or in dialogue or really whatever floats your creative boat- we mapped out about 7 different story ideas with setting, characters, arc etc. Then we voted it down to two, and then down to one. For some reason the common thread was “Ghost Girl”

Our ‘winning idea’ involved a new guy in the office that was being haunted by an office ghost that none of his colleagues could see: a frumpy girl in pajamas. However, when we did our auditions we decided to switch up the gender roles just for fun. And it just worked. It was like, ding ding ding, we have a winner, Alistair Maitland as the office ghost, ¬†wearing a donkey onesie and eating a lot of popcorn. So naturally, I became ‘office girl’ Jayden.

I’ve always loved acting. I thought for years I was going to double major in Creative Writing and Theatre, but as it happens I discovered Women’s and Gender Studies instead, which I am so grateful for. Anyway I still LOVE acting and theatre but I just haven’t done any for years! And I’d never done any film acting before. Luckily I had my awesome director pals, Nina and Naomi, there to give me pointers and make the experience all the more fun. Plus I had the best co-star a girl¬†could ask for, and it was a film-acting debut for us both.

The film we ended up making is called “Suck it Up” and it was runner up for the Whitehorse audience choice award by 1 ¬†point- seriously just 1 vote-

The best part though, was that the comedic elements, really do work- it wasn’t just the lack of sleep talking. Everyone who has watched it has had a good ab work out, and laughed in the right moments, and in some cases even had to press pause to run to the loo. So, all in all, quite the success.


We talked about putting together a¬†longer version and possibly submitting it to a few festivals, but we haven’t confirmed anything yet. I’ll let you know what happens- cuz I know you’re probably just dying to watch Suck it Up already. Soon, friends.

But, really I just wanted to say. If you have some equipment, a couple of free days, and some creative friends, anything is possible! So why not make a film this holiday!?

Love & Laughter.




Discovering my “Authentic” Heidi Self

Oh shit! I’m faking it again! Or… am I???

I’m not talking about sex. Orgasms are the one thing I definitely wouldn’t fake because,¬†honestly, what is the point in that!?

Then again, I mostly sleep with other¬†women so…

ANYWAY,¬†I have been doing a lot of soul-searching lately… staring into the ocean, or into the deep grey-blue eyes of my own reflection, and at my computer screen late into the night, ogling a¬†blank word document,¬†waiting patiently¬†for answers. I keep pondering the question: who am I? What parts of myself have really been here all along, what parts have changed, are changing, are unscripted or unlearned, are there any¬†‘natural’ or innately Heidi bits, is there an authentic me?


Sometimes I feel like I’m living a lie, or a lot of little lies, I tell myself.¬†Like my emotions lie to my brain, and my heart is a master con artist. Like I act a¬†hundred different parts for a thousand different audiences. Some spectators¬†live in the real world while others slyly¬†inhabit the shadows of my mind. I catch myself in an¬†act, my language has been scripted by another and another¬†before me, and I¬†wonder, is this really me? Or is this just¬†how I want¬†others to perceive me in this moment, in this space, at this time? Am I being fake?¬†

Kind of like J.K. Rowling’s character “Fats” I have been thinking a lot about what is authentic and what is inauthentic, hopefully in a less creepy way,¬†but my brain does go to dark places¬†sometimes…

I’ve decided authenticity is¬†bullshit!¬†But it is not impossible. It only¬†exists in combinations and¬†intersections.¬†Trying to find your true self is the strangest contradiction. Like your self is a thing you can look at, pick up, dust off. I always try to solidify my identity and deny it its fluidity and multiplicity. But I am so many voices, so many pieces.¬†And I am made up of other people’s voices:¬†my mother’s, my sister’s, my brother’s, my lover’s, my father’s, my creative writing prof’s, my women studies prof’s,¬†the people closest to me, the books I’ve read, the movies I’ve seen, the soccer games I’ve played, the classes I’ve taken, the drugs I’ve done, the people I’ve dated, the sex I’ve had…¬†the combination is my authentic self.


but I still feel like I’m faking it sometimes.

I am a broken recording device, that remembers and forgets, mixes up memories and lectures and conversations, and puts things out of context without definable sources.¬†Every moment I am changed and changing and this scares¬†me. I want to be something or someone concrete, someone I can understand and accept as honest, authentic, true. But¬†parts of me don’t believe the¬†other parts. Some of my¬†wants contradict my dreams. Some¬†of my emotions lie. And so I cry out, WHO AM I!?! Who am I reeeeeally?

I’m just another lost soul.

I am struggling with identity because so much of my identity has been crafted in my mind around my relationship with another. I know myself as Heidi¬†the girlfriend. Heidi as a¬†lover, Heidi¬†as a partner, Heidi as a half of a¬†whole. But now I am thousand pieces looking for one specific piece¬†to define me. One truth to guide me, one¬†destiny…


Only some parts of me believe in destiny.

Thanks for reading,


Heidi J. Loos

One of ‘those’ Days

Dirty clothes

Greasy hair

smelling like a deep fryer

Day in, day out

Tired of trying (too hard)

to please impossible customes, employers…

That never give anything back

except dirty looks.

Dirty clothes

Scattered on my bedroom floor

smelling like deep fried cotton,

Stale french fries

Sour milk

looking up at me,

Like, hey you, did you forget about us?

Isn’t it laundry day?

Not today!

Don’t mock me, dirty socks,

Don’t think I owe you this!

Don’t ask me to be somebody I’m not!

I’m not your bitch,

Go wash yourself!