Tag Archives: LGBT

CASTING CALL

I’m looking for actors for my next short film: Hands Don’t Lie.

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It’s a love story about two women in a senior’s home, and one of them is a palm reader 🙂

So if you like to act (or have always wanted to try) and are in the Yukon, or willing to travel to the Yukon at the end of May- one of these could be your role!

CASTING FOR:

June 70+ Proper, bitter, controlling woman, who finally let’s go of this hard exterior & is able to embrace her true self
Gretta 70+ Sweet, wild & unabashedly queer, a palm-reader who has done and seen it all- she can read the future & the past!
Peter 45-55 – June’s son, a kind but conservative caring middle aged man
Rebecca 25-35 Calm, professional & honest Nurse/Care Attendant

EXTRAS – Senior men and women needed for a few 1-line roles and some non-speaking background parts

ALL ETHNICITIES WELCOME FOR ANY/ALL ROLES

TO AUDITION or to find out more about the characters & story email me: heidijloos@gmail.com or call (867) 333-3719

Please pass along this acting opportunity to all of the senior women you know!!!

Thanks,

❤ HJL

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Costuming

The last couple of Octobers’ my fiance Lyndsie and I have had a blast dressing up and doing Halloween photo shoots. FYI, you’re never too old to play dress up, and I highly recommend letting LOOSE and letting that inner freak (or ghoul or witch) OUT.  Or just watch us do that in this video I made, and judge us for it. 😛 Because unique to this year, I actually have a video camera, so I was able to film some of our costuming endeavours this weekend.

Also, if you’d be so kind, let me know which costume(s) you like best (or if you have an idea that’s even BETTER with some of the clothing items, facepaint & accessories you see us in) TELL US and help us decide what to go out in next weekend.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! ❤

xox

HJL

Seven Steps to Self Love & Productivity

Some days I love myself, some days I absolutely despise myself… but on the days where I think I am pretty fucking awesome, I am way more productive and I allow myself to take creative risks that sometimes end up being winners. It doesn’t matter if you’re a writer, an artist, a chef, a hairdresser, a nurse, an aspiring lawyer or whatever. If you have dreams and goals- it’s pretty damn hard to get anything done when you’re constantly putting yourself down. Here’s seven things that I tell myself and/or strive towards. It’s definitely not always easy, but when I do these things I tend to manifest results. I know some of them sound corny, like those little inspirational quotes or greeting cards but I promise: if you follow these steps you will feel better about yourself and you will be able to achieve more!

1. Be proud of what you have already accomplished.

Do not let the voices in your head try to minimize your successes. And you do have successes, we all do.  Try making a list when you’re feeling really up to reference when you’re having one of those ‘blah-I suck’ days. It might help!

2. TRY reeeeally hard not to compare yourself to others.

I say try, because this one is SO freaking hard. It’s so easy to scroll through the interwebs and say, see, this person is doing this and this and this, and what have I done?! But we are all on our own paths. They are not better than us. We are not better than them. We are equal. We are just different. 

3. Practice Practice Practice (whatever you are trying to get good at and also self-love)

Loving yourself comes naturally to a select few, but for many of us it comes later, with lots and lots of practice. Don’t stop trying! If you want to get better at something, you have to put in the work. But don’t believe anyone when they tell you, practice makes ‘perfect.’ Perfect is a silly word. Perfection is subjective. Just believe that practicing will help you improve. Practice giving yourself praise. Practice setting goals that are obtainable- and how do you practice this? –>

4. Allow yourself to FAIL

This is one I struggle with myself. Failure is scary. Rejection is scary. But we need to stop beating ourselves up about it. Accept that you may have a fear of failure. Accept that lots of people do.  Failing is part of life. Everyone fails at something. Allow yourself to learn and heal.

5. Spend time with yourself

Whether you hate being alone or you love alone time, it’s super important to spend time with yourself in order to know yourself. To love yourself you need to know who you are around other people and also who you are alone in the dark. You need to examine your fears in order to dismantle them.

6. Spend time doing the things you love

Even if this ‘something’ that you love is not ‘progressing’ your goal in any way. If you love doing it and it makes you happy it is SUPER important, and you should make time for it. Happy people are productive people. Well, that’s what they say anyway. And even though I’m very skeptical of anything they say. I have discovered that at least in my case it is true, I am more productive when I’m happy.

7. Reward Yourself!

Positive reinforcement, always. It works with puppies, it works with kids. Don’t beat yourself up for your mistakes and your failures. Reward yourself for trying. Reward yourself for being fucking awesome once in awhile; because you are.

XOX

Heidi J. Loos

My love hate relationship with the North

IMG_2918There is a tiny icicle on each individual eyelash. The steam around me billows up and disappears into the never-ending white. White fog, white fields, white tipped Pines, white powdered hills, snow covered mountains. Snow. Snow everywhere.

It’s falling too, all around me. Tiny spidery snowflakes, falling from whispy white clouds above. Ice cold fluff.

I keep my body submerged under water, hot steaming chlorified water up to my chin. My head and ears are covered with thick rainbow fauxfur, the rest of me is naked. My skin glistening, pale, pale white under the foaming hot tub water. The only sound for miles is someone driving through powder on a snowmobile, that distinct hum I remember so well from childhood. There is no one around, no people, no bears: it’s February and everyone is in hibernation. If there was anyone around, I’d know, there is no sneaking up on me here, the neighbour’s dog team would go berserk. Even the Huskeys are quiet today, and the silence stretches on and on. I find it eerie. A giant tar black raven soars through the mist and finds his perch on the tallest of the tiny Yukon trees. In my mind, It threatens to snap under his bodyweight, but these trees are stronger than I give them credit, older and wiser too.

The raven watches me.

I watch him back, intently.

I didn’t think I would say this in my lifetime, but I’m back. I am back here living in my hometown, Whitehorse, Yukon, and it is even colder than I remember.

I’ve been here one week and already been exposed to seven days of 30 below perhaps a high of -25 somewhere (but they say it’s minus 45 with wind chill anyway). My older brother warns me not to listen to those radio announcers, they no nothing. It’s not thaat cold.

I’ve already managed to back my car right into a snowbank and got it stuck (thank goodness my Dad has the equipment to tow me out!).

I’m just not a winter person. I like snow for a minute, then I am over it. I like to look it, through the glass, in a painting maybe, on the screen of the television while watching a winter movie but all from the comfort of my warm home when I am living somewhere hot or at the very least, warmer, a more mild Canadian climate. Yes, I’ll admit, I miss Vancouver already.

Sure, I like some winter activities. I love snowboarding. But I like it when you can go to the snow, find it on the mountain, escape it when you come back down. I like snowboarding when it’s minus 5 or minus 10, maybe. I can barely last five minutes outside in this weather.IMG_2901

It’ll get better.

Right?!

As I sit and observe the white all around me, I contemplate life.

I feel a warmth inside knowing my brother and his wife live right down the street, just a stroll away. My other brother and his wife, a short drive away. My grandma is just across the field. My parents are a staircase and a knock away.

I’ve been away from my family for too long. The distance created its own kind of silence, and I am relieved for a chance to reconnect.

I’ve realized family is extremely important to me, even if not all of them, ‘get me’, or accept me fully.

I feel an unexpected excitement to reinvent myself here. The person I was when I lived here seven years ago is so different from the person I became in Vancouver. But that person is also gone. It’s to time to connect the dots, connect all the partial Heidi’s along the way. Become whole, or at least continue to grow. I’m ready to reconnect with my past, and examine all the guilt, the shame, the fear, the closeted anxiety. All this weird shit I’ve bottled up and attached to this place.

The small-town homophobia. Judgement. Gossip.

The knowing, anytime you leave the house, you will probably run into someone you knew from before: an old co-worker, an ex-friend’s parent, thousands of acquaintances who you know little to nothing about besides there name- or their most recent Facebook status, if you kept up on the CreepTrain, but you know, that they’ll know, or they’ll find out, and they’ll think of you differently.

I will be queer here, just as I am there. People will see it differently, treat me differently, of this I have always been afraid.

I will try to embrace my difference.

And I will try to embrace this cold.

I will search in the silence for the words I’ve been lacking-

The ones that have been swept up by the constant city buzz, the lights, the sound, the beats and lines and constant drip, of alcohol, the club scene I’ve left behind.

I’ve given up alcohol for the next four months, too. Wish me luck.

It’s not as a dark here, as I remember.

The sun shines brightly everyday, and I think to myself, at least, I will not miss the rain.

I will scan the white horizon for inspiration and hope.

Hope that we will all just be okay.

Hope that I will be able to write more here.

Inspire change here.

Hope that I will learn to love the cold again, or that spring and summer will just come sooner.

From across the hills, I see a shimmer of colour, the reflection of a tiny rainbow.

Maybe it’s just me.

HJL

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15 Resolutions for 2015

Number 5 has always been my favourite number and naturally any number containing a five, or multiples of five, so I’m automatically inclined to think 2015 is going to be an amazing year!

It’s also the year of the sheep/goat in the Chinese Zodiac, which if you read these things/believe them, which I do sometimes depending on the day and my mood- 2015 is MY year and all my fellow bah-bah-bah-emotional woolies, which means we are destined to succeed. And even if it is not destiny per say, this is the kind of positive thinking that will materialize, right? 😉 Okay goats, we GOT THIS!!!

To the goal setting: every year I have the same resolutions as everybody else, the eye-roll-inducing cliche ones, at least the big three. Eat Healthier, Work Out More, Ultimately Lose Weight. I mean I have other resolutions too usually pertaining to my writing and other artistic endeavours, but this year I really want to switch the focus. In 2014 I struggled a lot with anxiety and depression and feeling alone and disconnected from the world. Ultimately, in 2015 I want to make my year about family, community, and togetherness. I also want to make it about savings, and paving a way to the future I want. Kids, a house, a houseful of love AKA pets. I also want to make more time for guilt-free FUN activities, new friendships, and community building. I want to drink less, and give up all other recreational substances I dabble in from time to time which means NO MORE “I only smoke when I drink” I’m a nonsmoker now, all round.

MY 2015 RESOLUTIONS -listview-

1. Move to the Yukon (this is totally attainable because I’ve already booked my plane ticket! Feb 1st, baby, ahhhhh, all the nerves!)

2.Spend more time with Family (doable this year because I’ll actually be living in the same territory as most of them!)

3. Keep in touch with old friends, and family/friends living far away. Make it a priority to Skype at least once a month.

4. Train my puppy- go to puppy classes, obedience training, spend lots of time, snuggles, treats and wags, because she’s worth every minute.

5. Rediscover the Yukon Arts scene, join an acting class, improv troupe, writing group, or some kind of weekly arts community gathering.

6. Play more games. – purchase and/or obtain Scrabble & host many a board games night.

7. Don’t stop singing. Last year one of my resolutions was to sing more, and I’ve definitely achieved that being a part of the amazing Femme City Choir. But, as I am moving far far away and will not be able to be a part of their awesomeness, I vow to continue singing even if it is just in the shower.

8. Cook more! Doable, because a) I will be living outside of walkable pickup and/or delivery range and b) it’s Whitehorse there’s not a whole lot of restaurants to choose from!

9. Join a soccer league (or 2)

10. Spend LOTS of time in nature. Snowshoeing, sledding, skating, camping, kayaking, swimming, berry-picking, fishing…

11. Go to at least one Queer Yukon event, make connections, perhaps help organize future events & workshops

12. Connect with people in the Yukon film scene

13. Collaborate with someone on a creative project

14. Read more! Story, book, & author recommendations ALWAYS appreciated 🙂

15. And as always, WRITE MORE> This year I will try to write more short stories, scripts, and poems, rewrite old works, and continue blogging, which I promise will be a little more regular than the sporadic posts of 2014.

Thanks for reading! And best of luck with all of your goals and adventures of 2015.

xoxo

HJL

Homemade Holiday Gift Ideas

December can be a stressful month for lots of reasons, but a big one is all of the added expenses: holiday get togethers, Christmas parties, staff parties, “Secret Santas”, co-workers to buy for, friends to buy for, family members to buy for, extended family to buy for… If you are someone who likes to give out presents (or even if you just feel pressured to get everyone something because you know at least some of them are going to get something for you) just remember gifts don’t have to be expensive, you don’t even have to buy them! I challenge you to make someone a homemade present this December.

When you think of a ‘homemade’ gift what comes to mind? Finger-painting and macaroni crafts? When was the last time you gave someone a genuine hand-crafted present. Homemade gifts shouldn’t be something we grow out of just because we have jobs. I for one, LOVE to receive homemade creations. It really means the world when someone takes the time and puts the energy and love into making something especially for you.

Before you go and start making excuses like, “but I’m not creative enough” there are lots of homemade gifts that are simple, practical, and amazing for all different people on your ‘to-buy-for’ list. Here are some ideas- and just so you know, I would be ECSTATIC to receive anything off this list. Hint hint, nudge nudge 😉

1. Homemade Holiday Baking

A basket or tin of sweet treats will make all the dessert lovers on your list squeal with glee.

Here are some Christmas classics: shortbread cookies, butter tarts, chocolate chip or m&m cookies, Nanaimo bars, haystacks, and gingersnaps.

But there are loads of other options to choose from, the internet is at your disposal with recipes galore! You could even charm the Vegan GlutenFree folks on your list using some of the amazing recipes off this awesome gluten-free recipe blog.

2. Knitted -Anything

If you can knit, the possibilities are endless. Hats, scarves, mittens, sweaters, socks, leg-warmers. Seriously, knitted stuff is awesome, but since not all of us can knit here’s another option

3. A Drawing or Painting

Original Art = the best.

4. Poetry

Write a poem for someone, send it in the mail. Frame it.

5. Scrapbooks!

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Not only are scrapbooks super fun to make, they are incredible to look through. You could make one for a family member, friend, or partner. Print off photos from Facebook, or find old photographs from that dusty box you’ve had stashed away. Write in quotes and memories, add drawings, stickers, old ticket stubs, anything, just personalize it, make it special, and they will LOVE it.

6. Calendars

I’ve made lots of homemade calendars, and they make the best presents! They’re so practical. The person you give it to can use it for the whole year, and they are super easy to make. You can design the calendar on Microsoft Word on your computer, add photos, quotes, poetry, anything and print the whole thing out. Or you can use post it notes like the picture above, or just print out the 2015 Calendar pages and make the pretty photo page scrapbook style with some scissors and gluestick. Does your friend really love pugs? Do they love kittens? bridges or architecture? Do they love sexy firefighters holding babies- sure you can buy some of these calendars in the store but you can’t buy one with a combination of all different things that this person loves, but you could make one 😀

7. Word of the Day Calendar

For all your literary word-guzzling folks. I had this idea because I’ve always wanted one of these, but they are actually really hard to find, but VOILA, easy to make. Sure it will take some time and energy on your part, but you’ll also learn stuff in the process- just use the web, or a dictionary. You could do 365 silly words, or words that aren’t used as much anymore, or just totally random. If you speak another language you could do a translation one, to help that person on your list get started on their endeavour of learning another language.

You could make a homemade joke-of-the day calendar, or quote of the day, haiku or dirty limerick of the day (that would AWESOME btw).

8. Homemade Body Products

You could make homemade soap, shampoo, lotion, lipchap, etc.

9. Candles

Check out those homemade rainbow candles, perfect for those PROUD queers on your list 😀 And have you ever made a beeswax candle? They smell amazing when you burn them…

10. Homemade Apples to Apples or Cards Against Humanity Cards

I was at a birthday party recently and some clever individuals brought personalized Cards Against Humanity cards which made for a great present, and a hilarious game. Make a holiday version that you can pull out and play and get everybody laughing!

11. Homemade Tarot Cards

Know someone who reads tarot? Perfect. All you need to know is all the cards and suits that need to be there. Put some love and magic into it. Draw or paint the cards, print out images, write inspirational words or quotes.

12. Jewelry

Beaded, braided, hemp, metal, feather, shells; you could make necklaces, earrings, bracelets, anklets, keychains, and more!

13. Carved Creations

Can you carve or widdle? You could make wooden art, or coasters, or a homemade back-scratcher!

14. Homemade Pet Toys or Treats

For all those pet lovers on your list. Make a mouse or feather wand, a doggy cupcake (seriously there’s recipes online) a scratching post, or stuffed toy. Cute!

15. JAM

My brother gave me homemade jam for Christmas once, and I thought what a perfect present. Thoughtful, sweet, and delicious!

Do you have other homemade gift suggestions? Please share 🙂

Happy Holidays Everybody!

XOX

Heidi J. Loos

What Happened in Vegas…

We returned safely back to Vancouver from Las Vegas one week ago, which was a day later than we were supposed to.

SURPRISE! Two little Canadian lesbians didn’t get the best service over in America.  We were jerked around a little bit our first night and a lot on our last night, but everything in between was pure bliss, Vegas style.

The neon flashing lights could be seen from 20,000 feet in the air, like one giant arcade, twinkling, pulsating, enticing us from the sky.

Bubblegum pink, pumpkin orange, canary yellow blazing from every hotel, casino, strip-joint, billboard, and high-rise. The first thing we noticed on the ground were all the massive billboards. Seriously, every other job in Vegas must be in marketing or advertising because I’ve never seen so many ads in my life. Promoting this show, and this artist, and this product, everywhere. There are billboards on wheels, literally, trucks that drive around the city with the sole purpose of promotion. They have no box or trunk, just giant screens with dancing products and sleazy slogans.

The Vegas strip is definitely just as flashy and glamorous as I imagined, but our first mistake was staying at the Stratosphere. For our first time in Vegas we wanted to be somewhere right on the Strip, but we didn’t realize just how far down the Stratosphere is on the strip. It is at the very very end. The upside: we walked A LOT everyday.

If you want to be right in the thick of things I recommend trying out the Flamingo, or Caesar’s, or the Venetian, which are all beautiful inside (especially the Venetian!) and way more central.

We arrived in Vegas late Saturday evening and took the hotel shuttle from the airport. Unfortunately, the stratosphere was very last stop and the bus made what felt like a million other stops along the way. It took forever to get there! No wonder why the girls sitting in front of us on the plane had opted out of the shuttle bus and went for the cab route. We had booked our hotel room online as part of a package deal with flights included, and we had paid extra for a ‘premiere’ room at the Strat. Our only requests were that we have a non-smoking room with a king bed.

Alas, when we arrived, Stratosphere employee, Robert, told us the only rooms available were standard rooms in the smoking section with two queen beds. Really?

Luckily, we had brought along a print out of our itinerary which showed we had paid extra for a ‘premiere’ room, so we wouldn’t settle for a standard one.

Robert told us it was a mistake on the booking website because it should just say premiere view, not premiere room. All we were paying extra for was a view, so okay, whatever. But we assured him we wanted a room with just one bed. He looked confused at this, because, huh, two women, want to sleep together? butttttt-

He said he would see what he could find.

He left us to go into the back room, and came back five minutes later to tell us:

“The only rooms available with just one king bed are located in our newly renovated suites which will cost you an upgrade of $200 per night.”

SERIOUSLY!?

No.

I suggested to my girlfriend, perhaps we could push the beds together and have one giant bed. That could be fun!

Robert protested this idea. Nope, can’t do that. Not allowed.

You may think it is silly that we were so adamant that we only have one bed, but the thing is two beds take up a lot of unnecessary space, and if we were a straight couple requesting a room with one bed I’m sure we wouldn’t come across such resistance. So naturally, it pissed me right off, and I told him I’d like to speak to his manager.

Once again, Robert left us to go into the back. When he returned he wasn’t accompanied by anyone, but instead told us, his manager had found a room available for us in the non-smoking section with a king bed.

Perfect.

We went up to our room to find that our ‘premiere view’ was overlooking a giant parking lot, and all night long we’d hear vehicle’s starting up, peeling away, beeping, honking, and screeching car alarms. Oh well, we wouldn’t be in the hotel room that much anyway, we thought, it’s VEGAS!

Our first night we just hung out in the Strat casino, played some Black Jack, and ate a salad and some scrumptious boneless chicken wings at the Roxy, which is the cutest little diner EVER, probably my favourite part of the Stratosphere. Check it out, their menus are printed like Newspapers!

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This captured my heart, obviously. And from one server to another, the service fucking rocked! Our server was cheerful, funny, charming, gave us recommendations, quality checked us, checked on us lots, but not too much that it was annoying, seriously, perfection. Actually, I was impressed with the service at all the restaurants we went to, but hey, Americans know how to tip. So servers really work it there, not like in Australia!

The next day we woke up early and got 5$ breakfast burritos at the little breakfast joint across the street. They were delicious. Then we set off in the hot hot sun to explore the strip. We made our way to Circus Circus, Riviera, the Venetian, the Flamingo, Planet Hollywood etc. And at each place, we gambled a little, and drank a lot. We also stopped at a liquor store along the way and were delighted by the prices. But we soon realized, you don’t even have to go to liquor store, cause they sell liquor everywhere! Connivence stores, gas stations, drug stores, grocery stores, and it is all hella CHEAP! A 40 of vodka is 15 bucks! And the selection is crazy. There are so many more brands and flavours of everything. Coconut this, grape that, cherry rum, pineapple vodka, mango fusion, I got thirsty just looking.

But then we made the greatest discovery of our entire trip. Single Cans of premixed Long Island Iced Tea, 15% alcohol, and Pina Coladas 10% alcohol, both only $3.40 and both taste like Heaven.

WHAAAAT?!

I know! right?

So those are pretty much what we drank the whole time in Vegas, other than the free drinks at the casinos, and a couple of margaritas and daiquiris from the Margarita Bar.

Needless to say, our trip was a blur. A beautiful, warm, tingly blur.

We ran around Vegas, sipping, shopping, and playing games, mostly Black Jack and Poker on the Multi-Game and Game King machines, my favourites!IMG_0966

We discovered the BEST Chinese food restaurant on the Strip: P.F. Chang’s Chinese Bistro of Planet Hollywood where she shared lettuce wraps and a coconut vegetarian stir fry that was more than enough for both of us for our lunch and our dinner too!

Our second full day in Vegas was my girlfriend Lyndie’s 32nd birthday, so I took her out somewhere a little nicer for breaky.  And again, we were astounded at the GIGANTIC portions. We ordered two breakfasts but afterwards decided for the rest of the trip we should just share one plate per meal because we could barely get through half our plates. I also made the mistake of ordering coffee and baileys without asking the price. Each shot of baileys was 12$ so I ended up spending $30 just on our coffees, whoops! 100% mark up, very clever, or is it 1200% because in the stores you could buy a whole bottle for 12. Meh, I suck at math, but either way we got jipped!

But the breakfast was decent. And the decor was fun.

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One of the strangest things in Vegas is all the promoters trying to give you ‘free’ stuff. Free shows, free drink tickets, half price drink and dinner coupons, visa gift cards, and ‘cash money’ if you’ll just sign right here, and here, oh, and here too. After what happened to us in Fiji last year, I definitely had my guard up. Wasn’t going with anyone anywhere or accepting any gifts from anyone. But man oh man, they sure tried.

But just so you know, NOTHING IS FREE! There’s always a catch.

Next time I go to Vegas I want to go to more shows. There are just so many, and we were too busy running around exploring the strip and Faremont Street. We did go to one show though, Cirque du Soleil: Zarkana which was INCREDIBLE. All of the acts were so beautiful and breathtaking and kept us on the edge of our seats. I HIGHLY recommend it. My two favourite acts were the elegant twin aerialists and the mesmerizing sand artist.

Here are a couple pics I got of the sand artwork-in process-

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It was amazing how fast they came to life, and then changed into something else.

The acrobatics were phenomenal, and the costumes and sets dazzling and wildly creative.

After the show we wandered back from the Aria, all the way a long the strip, looking for a decent place to eat. We were both a little hangry as we hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and were getting frustrated at the limited options because everything we looked at was hella expensive or Mexican, and don’t get me wrong, I love Mexican food but that wasn’t what we were in the mood for. There are soooo many Mexican restaurants in Vegas! Finally we came across the cutest little strip of restaurants and shops and art right behind the Flamingo.

We even came back the next day just to take pictures of all the wicked art:

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The restaurant we decided on didn’t look like anything special from the outside; the menu on the wall seemed okay, but quite limited. But we were AMAZED when we got inside. What was shown on the menu out front was only a tiny portion of the whole menu. There were soooo many options, and better yet, we came on a Monday night which meant half price appys and happy hour drink prices all night long. We had two appetizers and two martinis for under $30. Seriously, if you ever go to Vegas make sure you go to the Yard House. Two appetizers was more than enough for both of us, and the food was exquisite: asian influence, but pretty much had anything and everything you could want on the menu. Pasta, pizza, steak, ribs, sushi, sashimi, squid, rice dishes, noodle dishes, delicious everything. We liked it so much we came back for lunch on our last day.

The best part about our last day in Las Vegas is that we both won money on the Big Wheel. We had tried it briefly the day before at the Riveria and one of the guys playing had said he had one $900 on it last week, but I figured I’d lose too much money on it if I kept playing. But on our last day, I thought what the hell, go big or go home, right?! Well, I didn’t go that big, I was only betting a dollar on each number, sometimes two dollars, which is how i won $100 at Caesar’s palace. You bet on seven different options and then spin the wheel and if it lands on what you predicted, you win! I bet on the joker which pays out one to fifty, and if you always bet on 1 as well, you almost always get your money back. Try it, you’ll see what I mean. We tried our luck on the big wheel at the Flamingo and Lyndsie won $100 too.

When we arrived at the airport at 6 O’Clock we were buzzed and happy to have had such an epic day. We were chatting with everyone, telling everyone in line about our adventures in Vegas, and getting high fives along the way. One of the West Jet employees took a disliking to us right off the bat.

He warned me if I didn’t get Lyndsie ‘sobered up’ by the time our flight was leaving we wouldn’t be able to board the plane. Okay, not a problem. We still had three hours. I bought us a burger, fries, a milkshake, some bugles, some chips, a cliff bar, some reese’s peanut butter cups, and a lot of water. Then our plane was even delayed an hour. So, we hadn’t had any alcohol  since leaving the casino at 5PM, so by the time we boarded the plane we were totally fine.  But, Mr. douchebag had already spoke to the flight attendant about us. We got on the plane without a problem, but then the flight attendants came over to us and asked us if we had been drinking.

Not since we left the casino FIVE hours ago!

She asked us if we had been drinking in the airport.

No!

She accused us of lying to her, and said we had to get off the aircraft immediately. When we got off the other West Jet attendants said they had already held our bags aside for us, ‘just in case’ and we could go pick them up downstairs because we were not allowed to fly tonight.

They were never going to let us fly. They didn’t even put our luggage on the plane, yet they put us on there, only to take us off again! SOO ANNOYING!

Honestly, I wish they would of just told us before we wasted 5 hours waiting for our plane. We could have been galavanting around Vegas some more, maybe even winning more money. Fortunately we were able to spend our winnings from the day to get a cheap room at the Quad for the night and take a flight out the following day.

I’ve spoken with a few people about it, and they think it sounds quite outrageous. My boss says he and his wife always have a few drinks in the airport, there are pubs in there for Christ’s sake! And many of my friends and colleagues say they’ve boarded many planes and flown while ‘tipsy’ which hasn’t been a problem.

If we were a straight couple, or even just two dudes, we would have been allowed to fly. For sure.

But whatever, we got to stay in Vegas an extra night, so I’m over it.

Can’t wait to go back!!

xox

Heidi J.

Emerging from the Low

The clouds rolled in sometime in March

Thick shadows of grey and black

My internal weatherman predicted storms

God knows I’m prone to highs and lows

but God doesn’t even exist.

I know, I’m prone to highs and lows.

Usually I wouldn’t have it any other way

I like to, feel, everything…

But this time I got stuck , down deep, in a rut

Discouraged from the bottom of the canyon

Not even bothering to look up

to touch the rock or clay

I curled in the fetal position

And pitied myself

For months

Hoping if I just lay there very still

Something would happen

The earth would start to shake

Someone would find me and pull me out

But how could that even happen, when I had no light to shine

No voice to call for help

“I can’t connect with anyone.”

I just kept saying over and over again

Shutting my doors. Pulling the blankets over my head.

Letting sleep take me away.

“That’s how everyone feels, sometimes” my mother would say.

Just go on Anti-depressents already,

that’s what the others would say.

I can’t.

I won’t.

I don’t know why.

I locked my ambition in a box

and lost the key

My passion drowned in the sewer pipes down the street

I stayed in a box

Walls on each side, protecting me from anymore harm

not even the sunshine could bring me back to life

May, June, July,
August: my favourite month

Still the world was grey

and I did my best to escape

eat more, drink more, sleep more,

watch TV,

sleep again.

I am forever tired

forever trying to escape,

but today I finally feel different,

if only just a little.

A tiny spark-

Direction-

light.

Words on the tip of my tongue…

Femme City Choir

One of my new year’s resolutions for 2014 was to sing more, and I definitely have fulfilled that goal! I joined the most amazing choir at the end of January “FEMME CITY CHOIR” and I got to sing with these babely folks every thursday until the middle of June. Here’s a clip from our final show:

And here’s a little bit more about us, femme city choir, and why it’s so AWESOME!

I can’t wait to get back to singing with these fierce femmes in September! I have my fingers crossed for a P!nk medley in our second season’s repertoire.

xox

Heidi J. Loos

My 1st all-inclusive Vacation

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Overindulgence!

is the name of the game.

Hundreds of beached whales filling up the blue and white patio chairs, waiting to be pampered. Some playful dolphins splash around in the pools, a game of water polo here, then shots, beach volleyball, more shots, BINGO, cocktails at the swim up bar. Snap snap. “Give me a drink.” Whistle. “Need more beer!” Catcall, “because they like it when you do that.” “Just look at ‘er [the bartender] doesn’t she look just like J-lo?”

Cringe.

Us vs. Them. Everywhere. The binary ablaze, so bright, I get a headache from its neon light, that, and too much sun.

Because first the sun caresses my entire body like a long lost lover, kissing every inch of skin that I expose, pleading with me to show just a little bit more, so I do, obviously. It’s so freaking nice out, and hot!! And it’s March. If I was allowed to be naked I totally would be, but this bikini will have to do. The UV rays suck the colour out, through the straw of each pore, and create streaks of  pink here, and red there, searing, crimson. Ahhh! Feel the burn!

Oh Sleepless Nights to Come!

I try to keep covered up, at least during the hottest part of the day, and I reapply sunscreen like an obsessed first time parent. Rightly so, my skin is as delicate as a newborn’s bottom. New freckles and moles pop up everyday. My body really is a map, little brown spots marking every tropical place I’ve ever visited, outlining my life’s journeys. Hawaii here, see, right on my thigh. Brisbane here, and here. Melbourne this reddish brown gem. A few spots from Wreck beach, definitely the one on my bum. This strange looking feller, I remember the day we met, on Savary Island in 2006, yep this mole was born from the worst sunburn I ever had.

You call them ‘beauty’ marks and I laugh.

Perhaps I belong where my skin will go unmarked by sunshine, unharmed, in the cold lands. I sometimes worry I am doomed for a future with skin cancer, but then again, I also worry I will get liver cancer, and heart disease, and catch every other sickness/condition/disease in the book or more accurately in the television shows I watch like Grey’s Anatomy and ER. I guess I am a bit of a hypochondriac, but who isn’t these days? Well, at least sometimes. The generous doses of vitamin D put me through the roof, and I just don’t care. Happiness, inspiration, freedom, I feel at ease here in Los Cabos, Mexico at the Riu Sante Fe. I have everything at my disposal, delicious food, delicious drinks, sunshine, beaches, people to entertain me, to feed me, to answer to my every need.

I overindulge.

But hey, everyone’s doing it.

Well, everyone here. 

The Tourists, here.

“Us”

***

I found myself thinking a lot about privilege on this vacation, and how it is used, and abused, and also completely ignored or dismissed by those who have it, were born with it.

I felt so extremely grateful and lucky and appreciative to be on this vacation. Especially given that I didn’t have to pay for any of it. This was a birthday present from my dearest. A magnificent birthday present indeed. My boo worked two full-time jobs just to save up for this present for me, for us. (And yes, I am a lucky little shit, I know this!)

I am sure many other guests at the resort were grateful and appreciative too, but much of what I saw was sickening. The disrespect from some of the tourists to the workers. The “I own you” attitude. Exoticism, sexism, racism, classism, and pure ignorant, rich, white, male-bodied privilege.

One guy threw his full beer on the ground, and spat angry words into the female bartenders face. Apparently, he needed a different beer because that one was gross.

Like, dude, seriously?!

One night as we were walking back to our hotel room some guys yelled at us (my girlfriend and I) from their balcony,

“Hey girls, you give good head?”

We were holding hands.

I swear, if I wasn’t so full from dinner I could barely walk I would have gone up there and kicked him in the balls. These were the kind of guys staying at the resort. Saying whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. Sexualizing and objectifying us and every other woman they saw.

Blaaaah.

I think, the biggest mistake we made was going at the same time as the Americans “spring break.” The resort was flooded by college and university students just there to party. Hundreds of rich, white, twenty-somethings who never slept! SERIOUSLY! They never went to bed! They came to drink as much as they possibly could, hook up, puke, try Mexican cocaine, whatever. We heard fight after fight, domestic dispute, drunken arguments, drunken make up sex, drunken dares, everything loud and clear, at three, four, five, six o’ clock in the morning. People running up and down the corridors, thomp thomp, bang crash!

Oh Sleepless Nights of Cabo!

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It was easier to catch some zzz’s on a patio chair under the sun, then try to get but a wink at night, or if you went to bed really early like 8 or 9 you could get a few solid hours in before the ruckus really got underway. Which is what we started doing after the second night! Call us grannies, but we were in bed by 9 sharp for the rest of the week! Thanks to full days of sunshine, tennis, swimming, snorkelling, climbing rocks, and drinking and eating way too much, sleep started to come easier and easier even with all the noise.

During breakfast on our fifth morning we overheard the news that fifteen of the so called ‘Spring breakers’ had actually got kicked out of the resort that night!

I just wonder what was the last straw.

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On our last day we took a water taxi over to Lover’s beach, which I highly recommend if you are ever in Cabo. It’s beautiful! Here, we set out to build a record-breaking, giant sandcastle (to beat our previous records that is) we succeeded with the help of some locals and two bottles of premium Mexican tequila! This was the only time during the trip I felt like it wasn’t us and them anymore. We were just people meeting on a beach, united by a common cause: build an epic sand castle.

But as our new friend, Sam, gently pointed out, it looked more like an upturned cow, than a castle in the end, or possibly a birthday sandcake, but it was still pretty epic!

All in all, our trip to Cabo was pretty freaking awesome. The Riu Sante Fe in los Cabos is beautiful and luxurious, and I felt like a princess running around her castle. All the employees at the resort treated us like royalty, and we tried our best to treat them equally, with respect, and tip them as generously as we could afford. None of the obnoxious douchey jerks were locals, no, the jerks were the Americans and the Canadians, tourists, just like us.

Until next time,

HJL