Tag Archives: Travel

Heidilicious Highlights

Five Highlights from another Heidilicious Week!

(Because I’m soo vain, I think that you probably wanna read all about ME, don’t you… DON’T YOU!?? Wait, don’t answer that…. just read! please? 😉 )

#5 BULGILICIOUS

During my mid-week gym session

My trainer: “Um, Heidi, why are you doing bicep curls? This exercise program doesn’t have bicep curls in it.”

Me: “I’m going to do bicep curls in between every block of cardio I do from now on!”

Trainer (looking very perplexed): “Um, okay, but… why?”

Me (sensualy stroking my non-existent biceps): “Because I want huge biceps. Like really huge rock-hard, bulging, sexy biceps. Mmm girls with big biceps are so sexxxy.”

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Trainer: “???”

Then he handed me heavier weights, and walked away shaking his head. = Priceless.

#4 JUST PLAIN DELICIOUS

Walking down Sydney road on Thursday night we discovered the cutest little Nepalese Restaurant called Gurkhas. Opening the door to the most seductive scent of curry and spices and the happy chattering of satisfied diners, we opened our mouths to heaven, and we opened our wallets to something that was actually, totally, reasonably priced and didn’t suck out every last penny. They have a martini called a summer surprise with Baileys, Kaluha, peach and banana liqueur and cream,

martinimore like SURPRISE, sex in a glass, of which I had two… mmm… my mouth is watering just thinking about it and the food, of course, the food, I am a bit of a foodie if you haven’t noticed, and this food was deep, and bold, and layered with flavour. And then, it gets even better, we discovered that Gurkhas has more than one location, in fact Gurkha’s restaurants are scattered all over Melbourne! SCORE!!! I Can’t wait to try more DELICIOUS Nepalese food, Thanks Gurkhas!

#3 DRUGGIELICIOUS

This week, my drug of choice: “Zilarex” 24 Hour Anti-Allergy Control. Well, it was kind of an accident really, I mean had no intention of getting “high”… I’m not really a recreational drug user (anymore). But i’ve just been really congested for the last few months and sneezing tons, so I thought, well hey, here’s a thought: it might be nice to actually be able to breathe through my nose for once! So I asked the pharmacist for something to help me out. I am not sure what I am allergic too exactly, I know dust bothers me, but my house is pretty dust-free at the moment, so it must be seasonal allergies or something or maybe I’m just allergic to Australia, to BOGANS… Kidding!

Anyway, I took the tinyest itty bitty, eensy weensy white pill and then twenty minutes later it was like BAM! Not so tiny. A huge gust of wind in my head, a cool breeze twisting through my nasal cavities freezing behind my eyes into my forehead, ice melting in my brain. The sensation started in my head, but soon flooded through my entire body. I could feel the drug like electricity shooting through my veins. I know you’re probably thinking, yeah right Heidi, it was probably all in your head. That’s what my girlfriend thought, too, at first. But honestly, I am hyper sensitive to most substances. I mean, I’m like a grandma when it comes to caffeine if I drink a coffee or even a caffeinated tea after noon (12pm), I won’t sleep at all that night! So suddenly I was riding this anti-allergy high and it was the strangest foggiest ride with little bubbles of clarity popping, exploding, chilling my chest. I felt like I was suddenly in another reality. Everything looked different, felt different. It was almost like being stoned (minus the paranoia) and a little like being on mushrooms without any crazy hallucinations, but it was still really trippy visually and mentally. I felt like I was in someone else’s body, or just that I was in my own for the very first time, I felt so completely embodied. And coming from a person who lives in their head and seldom visits the other sectors of my own body, it was a very intriguing. To feel everything, to feel each breath delivering oxygen to every inch of my being. Waves of cool, of happy, of adrenaline, of high. But hey, I could breathe through my nose!!!! So it worked the way it was supposed to right? Thank goodness I had the day off work.

#2 VEGGIELICIOUS

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This week we took up a friend’s restaurant suggestion, and tried out Vegie Bar on Brunswick Street in Fitzroy, and OH MY VEG, so much veg, BEST PLACE in Melbourne to veg out. It is a completely vegetarian restaurant with tons of gluten-free and vegan options. And both the venue and the menu are HUGE. Stir fries, pizzas, pastas, curries, noodle-dishes, rice-dishes, wraps, salads, veggie burgers, veggie appetizers, samosas, spring rolls, mushroom caps, everything you could want MINUS meat, (obviously). But trust me, when vegetarian food tastes this good, even the meatiest meat lovers can do without the flesh for a night! Since trying Vegie bar, I’ve already been back for seconds in the same week, and I’m thinking I am going to become a vegie bar regular. The food is incredible, and I haven’t even tried any of the deserts yet! But the icing on the cake is all the attractive people who work there, and dine there, like lots of sexy artsy hippie types. Mmm- yum.

#1 SUNDAYLICIOUS @ the Wharf Hotel

Last night I ventured out to a lesbian event that happens once a month here in Melbourne called Sundaylicious. This was the first crazy OUT all night kinda night I’ve had here in Melbourne since I moved here in February. And it was all very exciting. (Except the part where I lost my girlfriend and later found out that she had been kidnapped by the police-but then again, that’s not really my story to tell!)…

I became known as “Canada”

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aka the girl who pissed in the Urinal. People kept coming up to me all night long being like, “Oh hey, I saw you pee standing up” or, “My friend saw you pee standing up” or just, “Props for peeing standing up” “are you the girl the peed in the urinal?”

or Guy in Red Shirt (to everyone all night long)”This is my friend Heidi, I met her while taking a pee in the Urinal”  (to  me) “Did you know my grandma can do that?”

(Me) “Um, okay, thanks for sharing??!”

LOL

It was a strange kind of fame, but hey, I take what I can get so I gobbled it up. And speaking of gobbling, the easter bunny tried to gobble my face last night. And yes, I may have snogged that festive rabbit just a little or at the very least shared a kiss with a lesbian cougar dressed up in a bunny suit. But then I had to run away and hide because this fuzzy bunny wanted a lot more than a friendly Easter kiss.This bunny wanted to get frisky, and rattle my eggs! And we’ll never quite know who came first the bunny or the chicken? The cougar or the fawn? But I had to do a little bunny avoiding, and luckily I had some help…

I ran into a friend that I haven’t seen in over six years and the serious, enthusiastic, catching up made my whole night!

Then there were all the drinks, vanilla vodka and cokes, too many cigarettes, especially for a non-smoker, getting my flirt on then turning down chicks, and bunnyrabbits apparently, and peeing in urinals.

Shake, shake, shake it off!

What a night.

What a week.

Until Next Time!!

XoXo

kiss

Heidi J. Loos

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Ten Days of Awesome…

I’m kind of sad that I have to go back to ‘normal’ life now.

It feels like I just had this really incredible ten day love affair with like six different really hot lesbian characters, and we laughed, and we cried, and we plummeted head-over-Converse in love, and then had lots of really amazing sensual sex with brilliantly artistic cinematography… Yeah okay, so maybe I had forgotten what it was like to see a movie that could suck me into the story so completely and keep me engaged for the entire duration of the film, and not enrage me at all by all of the usual annoying heteronormativity and vile sexism! Basically, the equivalent to thinking that your lactose intolerant, then being offered some amazing, creamy, succulent cheesecake, eating the whole cake, and rather than feeling sick, you discover, you feel better than you’ve felt in weeks!!! You’re not lactose-intolerant your just allergic to bullshit!!!!

In other words, the Melbourne Queer Film Festival was everything I could have hoped for, and more! I was able to see four features, one ‘documentary’ and three shorts packages, so like, a lot! I mean, I wish I was able to see more, (obviously)… But I did have to go to work occasionally in the last two weeks, and due to my work life being ‘occasional’ and all, I wasn’t able to cough up enough dough for a full festival pass *sigh*. But realistically, after this festival, I think I should just quit my day job and get on the script-writing wagon! Well maybe not quite yet. But here’s a promise, I am going to write, direct and co-produce a short LGBTQ film in the next couple of years- and I’m not just saying it! It will happen. These last ten days have been truly inspirational. I even wound up with a new favourite movie, and this is big, HUGE actually, because my favourite movie has been the same for the last SEVEN years and I thought it would never be replaced! Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, sorry love, but you are now number two, NUMBER ONE: A PERFECT ENDING (2012) Written and Directed by Nicole Conn.

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In fact, I am so in love with this movie I am going to purchase a copy of the film, watch it at least twenty more times and then write an in-depth review of all its awesomeness, layers upon layers of awesome: awesome writing, awesome acting, awesome casting, awesome filming, awesome editing, with awesome sexy sauce on top. But I won’t give any spoilers here, just watch the film, see for yourself. It’s fucking awesome.

Anyway, the shorts packages I got to see were Short and Girly, Transphats, and Mixtape, and the features were Mermaids, A Perfect Ending, Bye-Bye Blondie, I Do, and Peaches Does Herself.

They all had their pros and cons, but overall there were so many more pros than cons. I mean, did I mention that Amber Benson was in one of the shorts!???! TARA!!!!!!! And it was about being allergic to love, well cats actually but come on, in the lesbian world… it was hilarious.

It made my day.

Actually it made my week!

All of the shorts were really beautiful and powerful. And I was really amazed by how much each short film could do. Many of them were crammed with positive messages that came out through brilliant dialogue and crept out of the silences, through the acting, from the cinematography. They really made you think about sexuality and gender and love just as much as some of the features. I would recommend every film I saw, well, except peaches does herself because honestly I don’t really like peaches music and it was more like a feature length music video than a documentary. Some of the dancing was quite interesting, people in full-bodied pink suits coming out of a giant vagina, and the orgy scene, and of course I loved the inclusion of the beautiful naked “pretty boy” of which peaches became infatuated with because (to peaches) they are the perfect combination of ‘dick’ and ‘tits’…  But I just thought it was going to be a documentary about why she peaches does what she does, where her inspiration comes from, why she writes such repetitive and provocative lyrics. Don’t get me wrong I think she does some radical things and breaks down binaries and *some* stereotypes in this film, but I just find her lyrics so annoying! Why sing the same sentence for the entire song?! Sorry peaches fans, but I just don’t get it!

My other small disappointment was in the film “I Do” because I was really excited that it would be bringing a gay and a lesbian character both into the spotlight. But for me, all of the female characters conformed to unflattering stereotypes and didn’t have much personality or drive. They were just character foils for the main gay male protagonist. But at least his character and storyline were really adorable and well-acted. I loved that his relationship with Mano was presented so sensualy and romantically. I think the film succeeded in sending the message that gay men can be romantic and monogamous and family oriented just like heterosexual married couples. Basically it said, look, we’re not that different, we can be just like you, so let us have the same rights! But in a cuter, funnier, and more entertaining way.

But if you are able to purchase and/or watch any of these films, A Perfect ending, Bye-Bye Blondie, Mermaids, Quiet (short), One Night (short) and Do you have a Cat? (short) were my favourites from what I saw (all lezzy films though)! Pfff- I’m not biased at all! 😛

A Perfect Ending was my absolute favourite though and I recommend it to anyone and everyone regardless of your gender and/or sexual orientation. I think everyone can enjoy this film because it has an amazing touching story, and all of the components come together so magically.

So Melbourne Queer Film Festival, filmmakers, contributors, volunteers,

Thanks for all the Awesome!

xx, HJL

Always Forward, Never Straight!

Awhile back, one of my straight friends asked me why me and my ‘gay’ friends have to be soo gay all the time? Like, can’t we just tone down the gay a little bit, because it’s just sexuality right? It’s not everything!

Please!

Have you ever noticed how effing STRAIGHT the world is? Or pretends to be…

Movies, books, television, advertisements, art, schools, universities, bars, restaurants, governments, families, jobs!

Seriously, heterosexuality is EVERYWHERE.

And it is most certainly in every conversation you have with your heterosexual friends and most likely with your non-hetero ones too, but have I ever asked you to be less straight?!

(Okay so maybe I’ve hoped it, but I never said it aloud!)

Today another person asked me what my boyfriend does, and I really didn’t want to come out, but I didn’t want to lie either… I hate coming out to people before they know me because instead of getting to know me for me, for quirky, crazy, artist, writer, fiddler, Yukoner, sugar glider and monkey lover, tortelini-addict whatever- Heidi. They see nameless lesbian, weirdo, ***different*** to themself. The conversation stops here.

Simple questions, simple questions that you cisgendered heterosexuals don’t even have to think about. Don’t have to feel anxiety, nausea, guilt, and worry that if you answer honestly the person asking the question is going to think different of you, think less of you-

Blaaaaaaah!

Sometimes I just want to escape to a Queer Utopia where eveyone can love who they want to and nobody needs to come out because nobody assumes anything- nobody is too gay or too straight, because everyone is just happily QUEER! with lots of unicorns and rainbows, obviously.

But luckily, I found the next best thing-

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an environment where I feel safe, respected, home. A place where I can celebrate queer art and queer culture with fellow queers and allies, and watch queer FILMS!!! OMG!

The 23rd Melbourne Queer Film Festival

WHAT A FANTASTIC LINE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is where I’ll be all week long ❀ ❀ ❀

Always Forward, Never Straight!

 

Xo,

HJL

Sweetalkers Event Review

Sweetalkers Event Review

My first event review! Actually my very first review ever.

This event was so much fun to attend, and even more fun to write about!! 🙂  I can’t wait to write more reviews. I am thinking about doing some book and film reviews on here as well, so if you feel like making suggestions of things I should consider reviewing I’d love to hear them!!

Love & Thanks,

HJL

Let Your Inner Child PLAY!

This Monday I have one word for you and one word only (well, almost) that word is… Moomba!!!!

I spent all weekend in plus 35 degrees watching water sports and live music and playing carnival games along the Yarra River and I did very little damage to my bank account in the process!

If you are scratching your head right now, you have probably never heard of Moomba, so check it out! It is Melbourne’s FREE festival! Jam packed with activities for the whole family! My main expenses were buying bottled water (SLAP on both wrists…I know I know. But I’m just a little Canadian and it was plus 35 and I wasn’t perpared!!!), and it costs $3.50 or even $4.50 for 600ML bottles. GASP! and my other huge expense was trying to win an enormous stuffed monkey with googly eyes… oh sweet con-artists at carnivals! How much will you charge me for the monkey? Everything in my wallet? Nah not good enough. Everything I own? My shoes, my socks, my underwear too? Is it worth it? Of course not! But in the moment, the giant stuffed monkey is the missing link in my life!

I didn’t win it.

But, I did win a tiny stuffed Huskey and a blue stuffed die and a reeeeeally cute stuffed penguin with giant purple eyes!!!

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Jealous?

I spent an hour playing dress up with my penguin, trying to see how many outfits I could make out of what I had- my jewelery, my key chain, my own clothing, and I did surprisingly well, 5 different looks for my little penguin, and then I spent another hour trying to decide what to name it- Penelope.

I was channeling my inner child, okay?! Which has never been that hard for me…. it is probably more difficult to let the ‘adult’ have the steering wheel back, “I don’t want to go yet, I want to stay at Moomba FOREVER!”

But anyway…if you are smart enough to pack your own water, snacks, and can manage to avoid being suckered in by shiny, fluffy, cute, colourful things… you can probably have an epic weekend entirely free!

Free fun? in Australia?! NOOOOOOO WAY!

Honestly, I had no idea such a thing could exist. It is a rare find indeed. Especially since everything else costs TWICE as much, or more here (than in Canada). But if you do end up in Melbourne and can make it to Moomba, be sure to go on the day where everyone is testing out their home-made flying devices! People with feathery contraptions running and jumping off a plank and faceplanting into brown murky water all on their on accord is very amusing.

And a grown woman playing with a stuffed penguin, who knows, maybe that’s just one of the many perks you will stumble upon at MOOMBA! Maybe next time, it will be you! 😉

With love from,

Heidi J. Loos

(& Penolope!)

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7. Meet Me on the Streets!

First a cautious glance here, another there, a slight twitch of the mouth. Trembling over tight-lips then tumbling out of smiles: laughter. Laughter filling the air at Federation Square. Bubbling out of bellies, and bursting from mouths. Rippling through a crowd of unlikely conveners, convened almost by accident, but not quite… Brought together by spontaneous, contagious, organic laughter, courtesy of Melbourne’s finest,
Live Street Entertainment.

Step right up, folks. It’s Laughter by Donation.

LOL  LOL!!!!!

I forgot how good it feels to laugh so hard your abs hurt. To shake so vigorously your bladder threatens to burst… To make eye contact with a complete stranger and share a deep, genuine, full-bodied laugh.

I’ll admit I was feeling a little bummed out about missing Mardi Gras in Sydney this weekend (one of the consequences of being on a ‘working holiday’ and not working! Not a lot of extra money to throw around at plane tickets and giant parties!) but, once again Melbourne lifted my spirits and proved to be the charmer of a city that I first fell for.

Wandering around Melbourne is like going on a giant treasure hunt, a really easy giant treasure hunt because you don’t have to look very hard to find gold!! Hiding around every corner is another gem: the cutest cafe you’ve ever seen, and then another one that is even cuter, a bar that looks like a 60’s grandmother’s love nest, and great grand-buildings, wrinkled with time, lined with history, beautiful architecture everywhere! But one of my favourite things about living in Melbourne is definitely the treats of the streets. Artists, musicians, comedians, clowns all pouring their hearts out on every block, onto the sidewalk in pastels, out of a shoebox speaker…

So I was walking right? One foot after the other, paying less attention to where I was going and more attention to the things happening in my head, but then I heard it. A laugh, small and timid, adolescent, but then there was another, more bold, a laugh shaking hands with someone else’s laugh, hugging… and then an orgy of laughter. It was magnificent; the kind of laughter you couldn’t ignore. Happiness squirting out of mouths- dancing over faces. And what was the source of all this magicalness?

A plump bald man wearing disco pants.

Microphone in hand, Discopants belted out a commentary for passerby’s enjoyment. A commentary of the happenings of a Saturday night on the corner of Swanston and Flinders. A crowd began to gather. Why was that well-dressed man in such a hurry? What was the young women saying on her phone? How about the one with the large camera, what was she thinking? The couple on their first date… Married with children- what would they do if he danced up to them- stopped dropped and rolled on the ground- or flashed open his suit jacket, like this, BAM-
This man had all the answers!

Straight from the eye to the mind to the mouth, he was quite witty and comical in his improvisation. But alas, later in his routine, he juggled with fire… and he burned this bridge.

I was literally counting the money in my wallet, getting ready to donate the rest of what I had, when the jokes came pouring out. The easy route, slippery and ignorant, sexist and homophobic… Sure it bought a few snickers, and handful of giggles. But the laughter was no longer inviting, no longer inclusive; it was a flurry of bees with their stingers out, broken glass flying through the air.

Not cool. I could feel the heat rising, burning up my neck and into my ears. And I was faced with a dilemma- I wanted to get up a leave right then, but his performance was almost over, and for more than half of the show I had enjoyed myself immensely, laughing uncontrollably. As a fellow artist I wanted to support his efforts, as a queer feminist woman I wanted to boycott his heterosexist douchebagyness-
But I stayed.

I stayed until the very end then I marched up to Discopants with a handful of change and told him straight up with everyone still watching. He had good energy, good enthusiasm, he was truly funny until he was not, until he danced over that line and entered into the douchebag realm. With my heart pounding in my head, I gave him a piece of my mind, and for me, his reaction saved the show. To my surprise, he wasn’t defensive and he didn’t shrug it off. He wanted to know every line, every bit that made me uncomfortable, which parts I thought were homophobic. He apologized assuring me that he would make sure those lines didn’t appear in another show- they weren’t part of his practiced routine they were just dropped in, in the heat of the moment.

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Maybe he just wanted my money… but it felt good. It felt good to speak up and be heard.
And even if my words and my change didn’t change him, and he continues to fish for laughter with rotten bait- I still feel better. I always hold onto things inside- I think of all the things I could’ve said, I should have said, I wanted to say- for hours afterwards, sometimes for days, weeks even. I’ll dwell on moments where I felt small and silenced wishing I could have said something, said anything. But I can remember this moment, his performance, the laughter it brought me, and the strength that laughter gave me.
There is such a thing as humour that doesn’t hurt, that strokes instead of pokes; entertainment that hugs, and warms and cheers…
As I walked along the south bank of the Yarra River on Saturday evening I discovered more and more street performers, musicians, and artists that had managed to gather their own crowds. Bringing people together with art and music and comedy.
Strangers making eye contact, smiling, laughing…

Ha Ha Ha! 😀

See you on the streets,

Heidi J. Loos

6. A Derby Date With Myself

Do you ever feel awkward going solo to events or restaurants or places where it is typical for people to go in pairs or even in packs? Do you think about everyone darting their little beady eyes at you, maybe grunting, snickering to their partners and friends, growling and drooling judgement, getting down low to the ground and circling you, ready to attack! Obviously because they mistake you for another species, or some rare breed of human, one they don`t understand, don`t want to understand, “the loner in the corner“, or just a lone alien specimen.

Do you imagine the very worst? And then stop yourself before you even get out the door, into your car, or onto public transit, and say: “well, actually if no one else can make it, maybe I`ll skip this one out… We can always go next time.“

I do this. And I think it`s bullshit.

Especially coming from someone who loves spending time alone…Everyone who knows me, knows that I go crazy without a little me-time. But usually my `me-time` is spent writing or reading or practicing violin in the privacy in my own home or in nature, in the woods, at the park, places and things that are `normal` to go and do alone.

But why should we be afraid to go out and do things or watch things we are interested in, or enjoy delicious food in a dim lighted romantic restaurant, alone. It`s not like you need someone else there to taste the food or drink the wine for you. Maybe pay the bill for you but…just kidding, (I may be pretty femme sometimes but I`ll pay my own way). But seriously, why not? Alone, you can close eyes and really enjoy each bite without having someone interrupt you and rip you away from another mouthgasm. Not every memory stitched into your mind needs to have a duplicate pattern on someone elses subconscious. Your memory, your day can be your day, just yours: a date with yourself.

Or maybe all of you single people do this already because you live off a healthy diet of independence and self-confidence. And us couples begin to binge on coexistence, on hanging out with your mate, always, or back in Canada, your bud 😉 and your friend. Or perhaps I shouldn`t generalize based on relationship status. I`m sure there are plenty of people who can leave their partner, or spouse or lovers at home and treat themself to dinner and a movie or lunch and a live theatre matinĂ©e or poetry slam or whatever tickles your fancy, floats your boat, munches your bunches nom nom nom- without a second thought…I envy you. But I also know that I am not alone in this petty little insecurity because society tends to tell us that it is weird, and wrong, and creepy, and sad, like, really sad, heartbreaking even, when people have no one to do things with. And lets face it, `choosing` to do things alone is usually presented as a myth, like, is it really a choice or is it just some sticky beige coverup for being a loner, for being friendless.

Screw that.

You know what I think is more depressing than being friendless, not knowing how to have fun by yourself. Cause we can surround ourselves by family and friends and lovers and acquaintances, but if we can`t even get ourselves off we can`t expect other people to do it for us- at least, not all the time, (I`m using that as a metaphor, but in the literal sense, masturbation is always a wise choice, then again, that`s coming from a proud sinner). But honestly, how do you expect other people to make you happy if you can`t make yourself happy and go out and do things that make you happy, alone? Don`t worry, I`m not putting you on the spot, I asked myself this too…

Yesterday I asked myself out on a date. I was little nervous because I wasn`t sure if I was going to get rejected, but…….. I said yes, phewww! I got ready, put on my sexy shoes, and got pretty for myself. And it went wonderfully.

I went to a double header roller derby bout, put on by The Victorian Roller Derby Leage and I bought myself two ciders and a hot dog.

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Best. date. ever.

Despite getting lost on the way there and having the tram driver tell me to get off and go the other direction when in fact I was going the right way to begin with… I made it eventually. Mind you, I was almost two hours late, but it was a five hour long event so I still got to see a lot of it. And one of the perks of dating yourself, no one was waiting for me, no one even knew I was coming, so I didn`t let anyone down.

And I cheered my ass off.

I saw the tail end of the first bout, but the full-on sweaty and heated second, a rematch of last seasons champions, the Rock Mobsters vs. the Dolls of Hazzard, and it blew my mind! I wasn`t a derby virgin, but I wasn`t far off, I`d only ever been to one Roller Derby match before when I was living in Vancouver! But this time, the difference was, I actually understood what was going on and how the scoring worked! Last time around I just cheered for the players with the coolest tights, or the ones I thought were hot, and I cheered whenever someone fell down… But once you understand what is happening, Roller Derby is quite possibly the coolest,  most exciting and vicious sport to watch.

And roller derby even has its own language, its own derby culture. It is fascinating…  I felt like an anthropologist going into to a foreign land to observe, to witness, scribbling notes frantically in my mind. The names… the derby names! They are fantastic. G-Banger got over twenty points in one jam, but Skate Bush set the record at thirty points in a single jam. I was rooting for Bush.

Afterwards on the bus, some guy asked me if my team won. I smiled and said, yeah. But really, I hadn’t been being monogamous in my cheering. I wasn’t tied down to either team. I was just cheering for whichever team was the underdog and it was such a close match that it kept changing. But in the end, I said yeah, I won. My team won.

Team-Me.

Because I went alone. It wasn’t scary, it wasn’t sad, it wasn’t pathetic…

It was awesomely epic.

I think I might ask myself to a second date, perhaps a little more intimate, more romantic…

Who am I kidding, what is more intimate than Roller Derby?

Yours Truly,

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Heidi J. Loos

4. Flip Me Over and Hear Me Scream

Dear Blogosphere,

Today I was told that I look like a screamer… Apparently my face, even in a totally composed state, screams, “Screamer.” Not moaner, or crier, or silent, bug-eyed rider, no, somehow, I definitely look like a screamer. I was just unaware that I wear a Screamer pride badge on my sleeve, until today. But, like duh-

OF COURSE I’M A SCREAMER!!!!!

Why the heck would I hold it in? Why would anyone want to hold it in? Screams should NOT be kept in cages and fed pellets and week-old vegetables. Screams should run wild and free. They should fizz and pop and explode. So if there is a scream hiding out, nesting somewhere inside of you, for fuck sake, LET IT OUT!!! And if you don’t think you have one in you, Fuck off! You’re totally lying.

LET LOOSE PEOPLE, and let those screams take you places you’ve never been. Allow those screams to fill your head with endorphins and make you dizzy and giddy and free. Don’t worry about what people will think of you or if you’re going to hurt someone’s precious little eardrums. It feels damn good to be a  screamer! And I’m almost-probably sure there are multiple health benefits to regular screaming sessions. I mean, I would know, I spent the whole day doing it and I feel great!

screamers

Oh come on! Get your mind out of the gutter! I was screaming all day because I went to an amusement park on the Gold Coast called DreamWorld and it was magically epic. Probably even more epic than it would have been because I didn’t have to pay full price. And if you ask me, the day-passes are ridiculously overpriced, like most things here in Australia but anyway… the kind gentlemen standing in line in front of us gave my girlfriend and I half price tickets!

THANK-YOU SUPERHERO EFRON, you made our day 😉 and I wish millions of good karma points to you, your family, and your loved ones! (As if he will ever read this blog… and as if his name is actually spelled like that…) but whatever.  I sincerely hope that he was not one of the unfortunate people who were trapped on a ride beside me, and deafened by all of my soprano blasts.

It seems that my screams only get louder with age. Rides that would have induced a small hiccough of a scream from six or seven or eight-year old me now induce shrill maniac panic. Rides terrify and excite me. The child in me, forever young, urges me to go on the really speedy, flippy, spinny, twisted giants and for every year of my life there is a new voice asking another question, why not just stay off and watch? Who builds these rides? Are they really safe? How often do they get maintenance? What kind of mechanic builds amusement park rides and not car parts anyway? Wait, no, don’t think that, that’s problematic! What is that horrible creaking sound?  Is that the engine? Is it supposed to stop like this, while we are hanging upside down? Has something malfunctioned?  OH MY GOD WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!! –

These voices can’t stop my inner child from getting what she wants because everyone, (or at least everyone that has known me for more than ten years), knows that little Heidi Loos was a Brat. So Bratty, and proud of it, I once owned a shirt that had Brat written on it in silver sparkly letters, or, it may have said “princess” but same dif- so all day I rode, and I screamed and I got thrown around, splashed in the face, tipped upside down, flipped backwards and sideways and jerked, creaked, zipped, zapped, splooshed and thrilled to the freaking bone.

And then,

IMG_6038  < I lost my voice!

Silent screams are soo not satisfying.

Maybe I need a screaming coach.

Until Next Time!

xOxO, (SCREAMS and kisses),

Heidi J. Loos